Confessions of a moment

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I hope that through my blog you get a glimps inside my soul. That you fall in love by my journey that has lead me to this moment. A moment I share with my husband and two beautiful children. Where I dance in God's grace and forgiveness every day.

Friday, November 11, 2011

But most

A while back I was driving to the mall with my children in the back seat. I was about 8 cars cars back as a lady crossed the highway, jumped the ditch and ended up in a line of cars that were coming at her at 70 miles an hour. I watched as all cars came to a stop. Not one car hit her. Instantly two women got out of the car, followed by another husband and wife couple. The two women pulled the small children from the back seat into their arms and the other woman took the driver into her arms and held her as she cried.

This story is a great example how we should love others. What if when we see a person make a mistake we didn’t judge them…..what if we just without thinking of ourselves embraced them with no thought other than instant unconditional love? The people in the car could have been angry with the women and her recluse driving…her mistake, but instead they embraced her with this breathtaking love that I envision Christ to have.
Our actions do speak louder than our words, I completely agree. Although, I think we need to look at others actions with grace instead of assuming the worst so soon. Just maybe we ourselves could step aside from our judgmental tendencies and assume the possibility in that individual. See what we can do to encourage and shine for them. Sometimes people’s actions are a cry for help. Their struggles, their back and forth with their life, in my opinion… is not done to indicate they are representing as phonies to you but just a person crying out for love. Fight for them. Isn’t that what we as the church is here for…the broken?

                                                                  Love beyone Expiations  

                                                            Beleive in the good in others.
                                                                   Fight for the broken.

                                                                     1 Corinthians 13:13

Thursday, November 10, 2011

What Makes You Unique?

Art is like your first love that you'll seem to always know.

 Though a thousand miles may part, you'll still feel him in your soul.

 It's the love that seems to bind you. And the beauty that won’t let go.

Shining through a passion of words you'll always know.

Art is like a melody that stops you in your feet, that without even an ounce of recognition has you dancing to it's great beat.

 The beat of love, the beat of home, the beat of something that is never grown.

 For art is always blooming and love is oh so rare. So any chance you may get always chose you there.

 Because if where you will be is where you’ve been here is that moment that can take you beyond the wind.

Lean into your existence, embrace it with passion and grace.

And never remember a moment and excuse it with a waist.

Hey, Readers. Last night my Pastor asked a question. He asked, “What is the thing about you that makes you unique?” As no one answered I thought to myself, I wonder why? Is it because of insecurity’s and fears? Fear that their uniqueness, if said out loud is one that no one else will agree with… is it because our minds automatically can think of something negative instead of positive….or is it because of lack of confidence to be the first to speak up in a group of people. Whatever each persons reason, no one gave an answer. My pastor then went around the room and said a couple of answers he sees in them, himself.

I didn’t answer because I honestly couldn’t think of something I was good at in the split 30 seconds of silence. So today I have decided to take time to praise God for the uniqueness in me that has created. To recognize the beauty in myself. If I would have answered my Pastor’s question last night I would have said this…..

I can set down in 5 minutes and write a poem. I love to mother and am good at it. I have an eye for photography and art. He has given me the gift of writing, as well. When I write it’s like I hear what he has for me to say.  My heart aches for the poor, and for the wounded. I love to give and to be a part of helping others. I love music and to sing. I’m great with giving words of encouragement and knowing when they are needed. I am good at being a friend.

 These are the main things that came to mind when I thought about what make me who I am….. what makes me unique.

God created us. He loves us like we love our children. We are his works of art. Embrace that! Love yourself as much as he loves you. Dwell on his good in you and you can shine with all the brightness he has given. Take time today to recognize your uniqueness and praise him for every single ounce of it.    

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights are your mercies in disguise....

I hear them tell their stories. That very moment they got down on their knees and decided right then and there that they had to give it all to Jesus. How they asked him to come in their life and heart. I imagine most people’s stories go a little something like this….”after a great sermon that spoke directly to me my life just made sense.  I went to the front without even thinking. I just got up and it was like the holy spirit walked me to the front… I laughed, I cried, I felt joy and walked out a brand new person.”  For me, growing closer to Christ seems to be an every day journey.

When I was young I went to the front, asked God to come into my heart and followed by being baptized. Charity Baptist in Rogers Arkansas. John Noman was our pastor’s name. My mom got married there. That church was a memory in my childhood that brought good. Until it didn’t. 
The church split, eventually. The man I called Dad at that time (from 3rd grade to 7th) ended up being a crazy person. He admitted to our pastor he had been hiding drugs in my mom’s car so he could sell without the fear of getting caught. To sum it up….. He had a couple of affairs and just ended up being insane.

 One time he locked my mom naked in the hot car for days to teach her a lesson on fasting. I was at my mom’s best friend’s house for the weekend. I am not sure how she found out what was going on…. but my mom’s  friend loaded us up in the van, parked at the top of the hill and quickly explained to me which was the gas and which was the brake…in case I needed it…in case it got bad. She grabbed a bat and went off to rescue my mom. We left him and started over. He ended up getting an apartment a mile away from ours and chasing me down the street in his car as I was getting the mail one day. I don’t think I had ever been so scared in life. My mom met me at our car, we got in and he chased us in reverse until my mom could flip the car around and drive forward. We got stuck on a curb and sat with the doors locked looking forward as he yelled and beat on the windows. Two guys lifted my mom’s car off the curb and we drove to the police station.

No matter where we went he seemed to find us or she’d give it another try. I remember being locked in the bedroom with my mom as he was pounding on the door trying to get in one day. She slung the door open and beat him with his own golf club. The Sheriff told him that day he wasn’t allowed back in his town. I remember him saying, if he caught him back he would take care of it himself. The last time we left was when my grandma died. We packed up when he was at work and left town to Kansas. We left my doll house behind because it wouldn’t fit in the U-Haul.  

In that time period until right now I have been climbing back into God’s arm. Reaching and searching to get back to that place where I really feel him. Since I have been married we have lived our life’s right. But we hadn’t really searched for God until we started going to church about two years ago. In this time my husband and I have both asked God into our life. My husband went to the front when he asked God into his heart. I sat in the chair quietly and asked by myself.

 I feel like I ask God to come into my heart daily now days. Maybe it’s more to stay then to come. I go to bed at night and pray for forgiveness and ask him to just show me his presence in my life. We go to church whenever it’s open. We try to be as active and involved as we can. We watch what we allow on tv and listen to on the radio a little better then before and really try to live as we believe he wants us too..

 I long to be closer to God more and more every moment. I want to grow into that place where I don’t have to fight to be less of this world. Where there is less of me and more of him.

I feel like I slowly melt into any relationship. It has taken me 8 years to finally get to that spot of just trust and true love with my husband. Where he can hug me and I honestly feel a peace in his arms. I feel like every day with God I grown more intrigued and in love with him too. My goal this month is to open the bible and start studying his word. How can you know something without reading the story? It’s time for me to dig a little deeper. To grow a little more.


I love this song…..Laura Story-“Blessings”

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Maybe this will change with age but I feel like a big half of my energy goes to my friends. Yes, most importantly I’d like to think I focus on my faith, husband and children but in the mix of that is also friends.

According to psychologist Sydney Jourard, most of your joy in life comes from your happy relationships with other people, and most of your problems in life come from unhappy relationships with them. So, basically most of your problems in life are people problems.

Think about your days. Think about something today that has made you smile…I bet your first thought had to do with someone else. We are a social, co-dependent society.  Billions of people log on to Facebook every single day to see what other are doing and to tell the world about their self’s. There is a reason we can’t delete our Facebook accounts or turn off our notifications. We are psychologically dependent on human relations.

I am an extremely social person. I don’t know what to do with my quiet time. I usually turn on the music, text a friend, blog, or call my husband at work. This constant contact with others of course affects my life. If I am talking with someone that is negative and down on life I’ll get off the phone and feel a little down myself. If I am talking to someone that is silly and up beat I will get off the phone and feel happy and content.

How about you?  Do you ever feel like relations with others leave you feeling as if your emotions are a big rollercoaster of emotions that are affected by everyone else’s actions and words? One minute life is great… People are great…then the next you just want to shut the doors and turn off the old social network site and cell phone. How healthy can this be?

I think as we grow healthier and closer to God we know what to do in the quiet. Maybe even we long for the quiet rather than fear it. We understand that there is no escaping relationships on a daily biases but we learn how to do it all in a right way. We need to learn to become co-dependent upon God. Turn to him for the answers. Then the closer we lean in to God the more protected we are from the ways of society so that we aren’t effect by everyone else’s actions because our eyes are on something bigger than that. I think that will allow us to just enjoy our friendships more, pick them more wisely and give them the very best of us. It will make us better not only in our friendships, but our relationships with our children, with our spouses and even our relationship with the people in our past and future. God’s plan for our life is not misery, chaos, uncertainty, and instability. He wants our relationships to be pure, enjoyable, peaceful and to just work.


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A glimpse inside

Who am I? When you look in the mirror and unzip who do you see? Sometimes I like to think you see a little of whom you were, a little of who you are becoming and a little of whom you try to be. As a female I think unzipping is complicated.

We are constantly thinking which means before we even stand in front of the mirror we are worrying about something. May it be our flaws, our child’s coat we forgot to send, our brothers cousins best friend whom we have been dwelling on since last night…since we are most sanely convinced he wasn’t too in love with the tone in our voice when we said hello 2 weeks ago. Which reminds us that we have to bake cookies for his wife’s daughters fundraiser next Saturday, which makes us think about that work out tape we have been wanting to start…mussst kick these last 10 (okay we all know it’s 30) ever fluctuating awful pounds, so that we can JUST suck in and button those jeans we wore a decade ago that won’t be back in style for at least 20 more years, oh and of course this reminds us of that silly costume party we have to find an excuse to get out of since we have recently decided to go to our other friends baby’s birthday that somebody still hasn't gotten a gift for. DING. What’s that sound? Oh well, of course it’s the oven telling you the casserole is done and it’s time to serve dinner. Don’t forget to let the dog out before he poo’s on the rug you just took to the cleaner where you smiled at a handsome Spanish man that you feel guilty for now… which lead you to that chocolate guilt brownie you still have to clean off of your new blouse yuh shouldn’t of bought in the first place, that you are going to re wear ….and not re wash… for date night, tomorrow.

This is real life and it’s hard to find time to be quiet and remember who you are. To remember who your maker is, that knows exactly every thought in your brain, every hair on your head…and yes even that wild hair on your chin you pluck on Tuesdays. It’s time we love our self’s as much as our creator loves us. We need to unzip and set the world aside and work on us from time to time. Just like with a good hair do our souls need a little trip to the salon sometimes too. It makes us better for ourselves. You are important enough.

Be quiet for 10 minutes today. Pray for another 10. See how the rest of the day falls into place after this.

This weekend was busy. My weekend started by a parade of 1st graders and their costumes... then for lunch I surprised my daughter with a treat bag and kids meal at her school. Then I rushed to a different town where I got to go to my son’s first Halloween party. Friday just made me a proud momma. On Saturday we attended an event to support the Down Syndrome Connection of Northwest Arkansas at the Buddy Walk for Down Syndrome Awareness. Great cause to donate to. Saturday evening we watched our friend’s kids, ate a roast and watched movies. Then we ended this fabulous weekend by celebrating trunk or treat with our church family (Abundant Life Church of NWA) and hosted a go-kart station for the kids to get can’t candy.

In theme of my inspirational speech above I’d like to share some pictures of our real life busy weekend we juggled. I found myself eating my way through an extra 5 pounds of my children’s crack candy. You’d think with their wild intake of sugar and the walking I got in this weekend I’d be able to fit in my fat pants at least by today… wrong. Momma is sporting pajama pants this week. Pajama pants and a broken pumpkin bucket still full of all my favorite mini candy bars. Intervention later to come. Stay tuned. ;)